My very first home video

Okay, maybe I have privacy issues. But sometimes, you just want to be left alone to chew your bone, you know?

Window shopping

I'll take that one. 

How much is that little owner in the window? 

Happy Mother's Day

You just relax. I got this.

You think I look like this? Dummy.

That's an Irish Setter, for your information. Just because I have a reddish coat and a longish body and a bottle-shaped snout, that doesn't mean I'm one of them. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

See, we come in different colors and shapes and sizes.

So once again, retriever:

Setter:

Hmmm. Okay, so we're distant cousins. Still. I'm not the only one.

Another of my many humiliations

Won't someone please send me a UVa sweatshirt?

Nose like a crone's heel?

For the record, I do NOT appreciate the "macro" setting. Let's see what your snout looks like from two inches away.

It's Wagon Season!

Not to be confused with Rabbit Season.



Notice the quiet as a I roll by. That's what you call reverence.

Nobody likes a show-off

Sure I may be sausage-shaped and sway-backed and bottle-snooted, but I've got personality.


And at least 3 functioning teeth.

Not my idea

Yes, despite my appearance of toughness, I actually have very delicate feet. The salt irritates them. But anything is better than these ridiculous shoes.

I like the Chicken Man's suggestion, personally. A harness and pulley system mounted to the window. Just strap me in, swing my rear end out and let me do my business. If I can get used to these shoes, I can get used to anything ...

Artist's depiction:

I didn't do it

I swear that tree was broken when I found it.

Just sayin.'

On the wagon

Wait. Is it "on" the wagon or "off?" How should I know? I'm a dog -- I don't know what a metaphor is.

I do know that you'd turn to the bottle, too (excuse me, "cottle") if you were being rolled around town like this.

This is just one of my many humiliations.

Worry wart

Where'd that lady go? Chipotle? I don't even know what that means! I barely speak English, let alone Spanish! Now where'd she go? Seriously. I am FREAKING OUT! Hey, LAAADYYYYY!

I know why the caged bird sings

It sings for me. And I sing for it. Because that bird is a chicken.

Jail

I know what's happening. I'm not stupid. Laundry being done, suitcases brought out. It's jail for me in the morning. Maybe I can fake a kidney infection ...

Get bent!

Sometimes I don't want my picture taken, okay?

The Chicken Man

Look at this dillweed. Who the hell does he think he is?

I let him give me chicken. Sweeet, sweeeeeet chicken .... mmmmmmm -- what were we talking about?

Ennui

I don't know sometimes. I eat. I sleep. I ... do that other stuff. (You know ... after you eat?)

Sometimes I think there has to be more to life. 

But then I get an itch and go down to Bronzeville. Mmmmmm ... bronnnnnzvilllllle....

Me and that lady

Yeah, okay, she did SAVE MY LIFE and all, so sure I'm grateful.

But man, sometimes she's a little ... needy. It's like I can't spend a whole day alone without her "popping in." There I am, walking around the place on my two hind legs, making myself a nice cup of tea, then suddenly I hear her coming up the stairs and I have to run for the bed and act all sleepy for her.

And she kinda talks in this squeaky baby voice at me, which is weird. Hey, I'm not an idiot. I mean, I didn't go to college or anything, but I'm no retard.

Still, she feeds me. AND she picks up my poop. Try getting another dog to that for you.