Not my idea

Yes, despite my appearance of toughness, I actually have very delicate feet. The salt irritates them. But anything is better than these ridiculous shoes.

I like the Chicken Man's suggestion, personally. A harness and pulley system mounted to the window. Just strap me in, swing my rear end out and let me do my business. If I can get used to these shoes, I can get used to anything ...

Artist's depiction:

I didn't do it

I swear that tree was broken when I found it.

Just sayin.'

On the wagon

Wait. Is it "on" the wagon or "off?" How should I know? I'm a dog -- I don't know what a metaphor is.

I do know that you'd turn to the bottle, too (excuse me, "cottle") if you were being rolled around town like this.

This is just one of my many humiliations.

Worry wart

Where'd that lady go? Chipotle? I don't even know what that means! I barely speak English, let alone Spanish! Now where'd she go? Seriously. I am FREAKING OUT! Hey, LAAADYYYYY!

I know why the caged bird sings

It sings for me. And I sing for it. Because that bird is a chicken.

Jail

I know what's happening. I'm not stupid. Laundry being done, suitcases brought out. It's jail for me in the morning. Maybe I can fake a kidney infection ...

Get bent!

Sometimes I don't want my picture taken, okay?

The Chicken Man

Look at this dillweed. Who the hell does he think he is?

I let him give me chicken. Sweeet, sweeeeeet chicken .... mmmmmmm -- what were we talking about?

Ennui

I don't know sometimes. I eat. I sleep. I ... do that other stuff. (You know ... after you eat?)

Sometimes I think there has to be more to life. 

But then I get an itch and go down to Bronzeville. Mmmmmm ... bronnnnnzvilllllle....